Love me, please

My heart aches, and I can barely breath.

I want to cry, I want to shout, I want do hit something. But I can't. There's this knot in my chest, and it keeps getting worse. I want to move but I'm still, I can't move. My body refuses to let me move, my feet don't respond my brain and my arms don't follow orders. I'm just in shock.

Dennis just broke up with me. I can still remember those painful words he told me. He said that things had changed between us, that he could tell I had changed my feelings towards him and that he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't care for him any longer. I was stricken when he said that and walked off. He was so wrong.

I love Dennis with all my little heart and I can't bear that he is no longer mine, that I can no longer push his soft brown hair out of his eyes. That I can't give him a little peck when he's near or that we can't hold hands.

It is true that lately I've been distant with him, but that's because I'm worried. I'm worried that he has stopped feeling about me the same way, that he now loves someone else. I guess I was right. I worried he would leave me and that's exactly what he did. I wonder what's her name, if she's pretty or if she loves him maybe only half as I do. I doubt she loves him more than I do.

Maybe she'll lean into him and they'll cuddle up together while watching the sunset, you know, all that typical mushy stuff they say in the movies. Maybe they'll hold hands and walk together. But they won't ever be the same as us. She wont look into his eyes and be captured in another universe, she won't know his sudden mood-swings or how he was when he was little. They'll never be like we were. And at the same time that heartens me, it brings me down. I don't want Dennis to be unhappy, but I'm selfish and I want that happiness to be because of me and for me.

I love him so much and it's my own fault he has left me. He thought I had stopped loving him, and for that reason gave up on me. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next day, seeing him in school and not talking to him for the first time in several years.

*The next day*

I catch my breath when I see him, dressed in his grey jeans and light blue t-shirt. He looks so normal yet he still captivates me every time I see him, he has done that since the very first day, when we were only kids and he threw the lunch my mother had prepared for me all over the floor and I burst out crying. I can still remember his face when he saw my tears and brushed them away, a guilty look in his eyes. I didn't know how much someone could love another person then. Over the years we became inseparable and told each other everything, and then our friendship slowly became something else. We became dependent on the other and jealous when we weren't close together or when someone else flashed one of us a cocky and flirty smile.

He catches me looking and changes his expression, into one I can't recognize, and I've seen many of his different faces. This one carries some sort of hate and disappointment, as well as regret. I can tell there is still a special type of love in his brown, deep eyes. I can guess my own expression and I know it isn't good, I feel like I've let him down but I don't know why. I want to get closer to him but I know that if I do that, he'll only run away.

I decide to do it anyway and start getting closer to him. As I'm close I can see in his eyes a flash of pain which makes me momentarily stop, but that only makes me more determined to figure out all of this. I just want to get back with him, forget whatever had me worrying, assure him that my feelings were the same as ever, if not more than before. I want to tell him I still love him, that I've only been distant these past few days because I thought he didn't love me, basically because he was being distant too. We were both wrong.

As I step even closer to him, I see a flash of blond hair on my right heading straight towards Dennis. My breath catches in my throat as I see her lean into him and give him a peck on the cheek. God! It was only yesterday we broke up and he's already with somebody else. A badly dyed, chest-operated, flouncy and snob blond. Okay, maybe the poor girl isn't actually that bad but I'm really pissed of here so give me a break. My mouth is still gaping open when he turns towards me. He sees my face and is immediately alarmed, panicking away. This time, my eyes do win me over and start to tickle and burn, I can't cry in front of him. Eyes, hang on! Don't cry, I keep repeating. Too late... Tears start running down my cheeks and I can't be in front of the new couple anymore. So I do what's in my nature, I flee.

*Dennis' P.O.V.*

Shit! May! Oh, god. She can't have just seen that. She doesn't even know who Jenny is. She's probably freaking out right now. I look into her eyes. Man, sometimes I hate being right. Her eyes are brimming and it looks like soon the damns will break. And there I go again, being right. She rushes off and I'm heartbroken. She doesn't know Jenny, I meant to tell her about it but never got around to do it, especially after the fight and the break-up.

She has to believe me! She has to, she has to! I can't lose her. I've always been on the shy side though with her it's as though I'm in another world, a world where everything is trust and laughter. A world where I can actually be happy and not have to worry about my family or what people are going to say about me. I can be safe with her. Safe and happy.

 I look down to my grubby shoes and swear once again. I hate to swear but I can't lose her. At least not as a friend, I don't want her out of my life. Heck! I don't even want to stop going out with her but I had to do it. I don't want to love someone so bad only to not have them love you back. I thought I knew May, and I thought she loved me. I actually thought she loved me back but I guess her attitude lately with me just proves I was wrong. Maybe I didn't contribute much but she started being weird and all sort of like silent last week and maybe she realized I wasn't worth it anymore. I hate being insecure. And I hate that I adore May with every fiber of my being, with every speck of dust on this planet, with every millimeter of my bruising heart.

I'm pretty sure she thought wrong about Jenny, actually, I'm absolutely confident she did. There's no way on Earth that I would cheat on her, even less with Jenny. Disgusting. That must have hurt her but going after her would only make things worse, I know her and she has probably run somewhere not even I know, just to be alone. She doesn't love me anymore, that's the only thought in my head.

I just want her to love me. To come back to me.

*May's P.O.V.*

I run blindly, almost crashing a few times and I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I'll wake up with bruises. I don't even know where I'm going, I only know I'm going where my feet are taking me. A route I lately use a lot. As I start to see more clearly I realize that I'm heading towards the park where I used to go to when I was little. A park that holds many, many memories for me. It was where I went to before I knew Dennis, where I used to spend endless hours by myself, playing with the sand or swings and watching as other children ignored me and only went with their own friends. Friends I never had, but always wanted.

This week it's been my hiding place, the only place I know Dennis won't come to look for me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even remember that this was where we met. That time oh so long ago that he threw my sandwich on the floor and then brushed away my tears. That slight moment when things happen for a reason but you don't know when or why. As I sit on the swing once again, his face flashes into my mind again and I sigh. How can you love somebody who doesn't love you back. And that blond, oh that blond. I want to run into his arms but I know he wants to be alone. I know he doesn't want me around. I go to a bench and lay down, not wanting anyone to see me.

I just want him to love me. To come back to me.

*Dennis' P.O.V.*

I don't want to be alone. I want her to me with me, around me and clung to me. A smile slips as I remember the many times we've taken a nap together and she's there with her legs and arms wrapped around me, like hanging on for dear life. Then, as soon as it came, it goes, when I realize she won't be doing that anymore. She doesn't love me.

I decide to talk a walk. After some time, and lots of thoughts rushing through my mind, I find myself in a park. A normal looking park, except for the fact that it had rusty swings and damaged slides.

Even the little figures kids could get up on were old and one could tell that it hadn't been used for a long time. There was even a seesaw, but it looked as if nobody had gotten on it and made it swing up and down for a very long time.

It reminds me of the days I ran around with May, just enjoying life and screaming our heads off. I doubt that park still exists. I do remember sweet, bright grass getting into our clothes and mouths, while we were rolling around laughing hysterically.

As I was coming I though I saw someone in the same park I'm in, but seeing as there's nobody here I guess it was just my imagination. It could be because I was distracted though, because I can't stop thinking about May. 

May was probably the only woman I've ever loved. What am I saying? IS, she is the only woman I'll ever love.

I still remember the first day I saw her; she was close to the swings in some sort of park, eating a sandwich I guess her mother had made her. Of course, at that age, girls were viewed as germs, so I did what any boy my age would do. I ran up to her and threw the sandwich on the floor, just to laugh a bit. Little did I know that when I saw her teary eyes and trembling bottom lip, I would be filled up with guilt and warmth towards her. I swept away her tears and haven't left her side since then. The first time I loved her was then and I fell in love with her few minutes after, when I told her a joke and she laughed, with a smile so precious and beautiful it could make any negative feelings inside you disappear. Her mouth was her bow and her arrow was her smile, diving straight for my heart. One shot and she hit the bulls eye. 

The park looks so lonely, like a lost puppy after just being separated from it's mother. What I can imagine was once a splendid park, blooming in glory with loads of kids running around had become another place for teenagers to roll around in while getting drunk. It had obviously been through splendid times, only to age and be forgotten as it's once loyal followers age with it.

I realize all I've done is just stand there doing nothing, thank god nobody was actually watching me, so I make my way over to a bench near some bushes and sit down, accidentally making a twig snap, before lying down on it, just so I can gaze at the clouds floating above me, flying freely and wishing it was me, with May.

*May's P.O.V.*

Someone's in the park with me. I can hear him and yes, I do know it's a him, even if it's only because of the heavy footsteps I hear, knowing quite well that no girl can make that sound. I am still, not wanting to make a sound and close my eyes, hoping he'll just leave and let me get on with my sulking, the tears have long gone.

Before I realize, I wake up. I must have snoozed off a bit although not much, the sun is almost in the same place it was before and the slight shade the tree nearby is giving me has barely shifted. I suddenly hear a sniff and I'm on alert again, he hasn't left. Unfortunately for me, it sounds very close, almost as if he were beside me. I slowly sit up and look around, not seeing anybody but gasp when I look down and find myself gazing into the greenest eyes I have ever seen, eyes that I know exactly who they're from. Dennis. It's the only word in my head. Dennis' eyes grow large as they recognize me, but they never leave my own. They are locked together, his hand has moved up and is cupping my cheek, while my thoughts are replaced by Ed Sheeran's Autumn Leaves (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98svcsH9fs). It's the perfect song for us right now, when yesterday he was mine and today he's hers.

I'm shocked to see that his eyes are a bit red, probably relating to the sniff I heard earlier. Dennis never cries, he doesn't m¡want to let water win him over, he never has so seeing the remains of what might have been a slight cry makes me think that maybe, just maybe he still loves me, enough to cry. Neither of us make a sound, wanting to to something but at the same time scared to do it. He clears his throat and begins to speak in a raspy voice, the raspy voice that I have bean hearing for years and love.

*Dennis' P.O.V.*

"May", I whisper, making it barely audible.

"May. Oh, my May. My little drop of sunshine in the rain", I say, referring to a joke between us, seeing as her name is May and in May  there are many, many storms, through which May and I have gone through together. Never mind, I get it.

I know she is waiting for me to say something. I obviously need to say something but I can't bring myself to do it, it's too painful to have the love of my life in front of me, knowing she doesn't love me back. Her hazel eyes are puffy, swollen and red, giving away that she has been crying, and by the looks of it, for quite a long time. I feel a sickening in my stomach, knowing that this is because of me.

"Jenny"

"Jenny? What do you mean Jenny?" She looks at me, puzzled.

"She's the blond you saw earlier on. I swear we have nothing. There is nothing between us. I don't care about her like I care about you. She's just someone who won't stop following me, I'd never have anything with her. In fact, she's just like my little sister, that's all she is to me. I'm just going to risk everything to tell you, I love you May, I've never loved anyone else. There never was anyone else for me, just you. I'm serious May, I don't care if you don't feel the same way. Well, of course I mind, I mean if you don't love me back It will hurt but I'm trying to understand, to make you feel okay with this. So n a special sort of way it doesn't really matter if you love me or not. What I'm trying to say is that I love you over everything else. You are that part of me that without it I would feel empty. Without you I can't do anything in life. May, don't cry. Look at me honey, I don't care if you don't love me back, I'll accept that even if it hurts, so don't feel guilty." I get the words mixed up and I highly doubt she caught what I was trying to tell her.

May is looking at me with tears in her eyes again. I stand up and walk around the bushes that separated us. As I sit down with her on the bench, I take her hands and hold them in mine, while not letting go of her eyes. I don't know if what I've just said actually means anything to her. After all these years and I still don't know what she is thinking right now. It's so frustrating. Maybe I'm too late, maybe she's already let me go, maybe she's realized I'm no longer worth it, or that her new boyfriend is better. She sees me staring off and catches my attention again my clicking her fingers together. As I stare back at her, millions of thoughts running through my head I realize she has stopped crying and is smiling. Actually smiling.

*May's P.O.V.*

Wow. For a few moments back then I couldn't say anything, let alone show any emotion. After Dennis comes around and sits next to me I begin to swallow his words, and understand what he is telling me. He loves me! I'm probably smiling like a fool right now, oh well. He loves me, he loves me. We both should have listened to the other, that way no misunderstandings could take place. Relationships are all about trus and communication, so if you have a problem, just go talk it out.

I don't even bother replying. I gently cup his cheek and lean into him. Dennis sees me and leans in too. Our foreheads are together and we're looking into each other's eyes.

"I love you too", I say before joining our lips.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
sorry for the sappy ending, I just adore cute things like these. It actually was much much longer,Jenny was going to do stuff and there were more people involved but that would have been way too long, especially since this isn't a story I'm updating chapters on. And well of course there's the fact that I lost it...yeah, you can kill me.... I forgot to save. Whoopsie.

Misunderstandings can lead to many bad things. Whether you're in a relationship or with your friends try to keep those misunderstandings to the minimum so no one gets hurt.

I also want to say sorry. Sorry for putting a post up like more than a month later since the last. When I lost this post and had to rewrite it entirely,I sort of lost my motivation to keep writing with it.Especially when I barely get any comments, I don't know, it just isn't very motivating. I'm also thinking of writing a story parallel to the posts I post, meaning I'll still post stuff, random stories and all that but at the same time a story. The thing is, I wouldn't know what to write about and if a story would be well received. That's where you guys come in, Do you want me to write a sort of mini-novel or not? If so, what are your ideas for it?

Anyway thanks again for reading my blog and please, pretty please with a cherry on the top, please comment.

Love you

P.S. Changed the blog a bit

Esther Alós © All rights reserved 

If you love something, don't play with it

"Stop being so stubborn, for god's sake, Lauren!", Jake practically screams in my ear.

"Dude, relax 'k?", I'm not interested in what he has to say. I've already heard enough of his shit and I won't listen to anything else he has to say.

It's always the same thing. He screws up and expects me to run into his arms once he apologizes but that isn't going to happen this time. He thinks he can go around flirting with other girls. I know he and I aren't anything official, that we aren't dating and that we aren't a couple. It's his way, he doesn't like to date people and we never said anything about us being together but it does sort of look like we're together. I mean, we go to the cinema or to get something to eat, but that usually happens when we meet outside school or we bump into each other accidentally.

"I am not going to relax! You know perfectly well that I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! What do I have to do to make you forgive me?"

I don't know if he actually means it. With Jake I can never tell if he only says that sort of thing to me because he wants me to believe it or because that really comes from his heart. I never know if it is true or just another lie of his.

I looked at him, my gaze hard and firm,
"Leave. Leave right now and don't bother to come back"

On the outside it looked as if it were all okay, as if I was actually calm as it seemed. But I wasn't. I was trembling, and on the verge of tears. I'd never done this before. Guys had always left me, never I them. I had never felt this way, Jake was someone who had changed all my plans, turned them around and flipped them upside down. Barely two or three months had passed since I had met him, but he still has that effect on me. I have to control my emotions and not let him get away with this. I know that if we keep talking, the tears that are beginning to swell up will probably fall loose and no way on Earth do I want him to know that this is actually affecting me. I have to be strong. He has already controlled me and messed up my mind enough as it is.

He looks at me and his eyes are full of sorrow. I feel pain in my chest. His pain is transferring into my heart and I'm weakening. It isn't fair. His eyes leave mine and look down at the floor.

"I didn't know that side of you Laurie, you really are kicking me out of my house, my room. After all we've been through, after the endless nights of sleep, after the long conversations, the cuddles, the kisses, those perfect nights." He comes closer to me, speaking in a soft tone, muddling my thoughts yet again. As he lifts my chin up he says,

"My little Lauren Allen, look at me in the eyes, come on beautiful. That's it. Look at me in the eyes while I tell you this. I'm telling you this because I mean it. I can't bear to be away from you. I know I don't date and I've been fighting my feelings for some time now, but I don't think I can keep doing that. I guess these few months have done more to me than I thought. In the beginning we were friends with benefits an I was fine with that but now that feeling of having someone always there for you sort of grew. I can't believe I'm going to say this, I think... No, actually, I know. Lauren, I love you."

I gasp, definitely not expecting this. I'd never imagine him saying that. I'm in shock right now. Him, Jake Wood, just told me he loves me. Jake takes advantage of the situation and gets closer to me. I can feel his warm breath heating my lips, only centimeters away. He closes the distance between us and kisses me. My eyes inevitably close as I enjoy the kiss. Our mouths are intertwined, our tongues playing with each other.

I want to get away, I want to tell him this is wrong. I want to push him off and tell him he can't fix problems this way. But I can't. He is too much for me. He overpowers me and I lose myself to him, ignoring my subconscious one again.

The room is heating up and his hands gently slip down from my face to my back to start tugging my t-shirt out from beneath my jeans. We lean out from each other a moment, so he can pull it of and almost automatically our mouths lock together again. His t-shirt is out soon too and before we know it we are on his bed. It is obvious that both our pants don't fit in the picture anymore. We barely waste a minute taking the other one's off.

We lie down, him on top of me, and we separate a bit. Jake looks down at me, his hair slightly tousled by my hands earlier on. He slowly starts running his hands across my tummy, creating shivers and slight sighs that come out of my mouth. He knows me well. He brings his mouth close to my ear and whispers stupid, slightly dirty things to me which, I hate to admit, turn me on. I know he is already aroused, I can tell by the mini-Jake shaped like budge wanting to escape his boxers.

 I decide to make him suffer and make him pay for torturing me. My hand goes up to his aroused member and softly touches it, over the boxers and hardly enough to make him feel my hand. But brushing over it gives me the response I was waiting for as he closes his eyes and slowly leans into me. I move my hand around that part without moving it any closer and a sigh escapes his mouth. I remove my hand and he opens his eyes, a confused look in his eyes. I know he is hungry for more, I know he is. He whimpers like a lost puppy when he can tell my hand isn't going back.

He whispers my name in a questioning stance. I grin at him and giggle a bit. It's really funny to see him this way, helpless and lonely. He sees my grin and the way I'm holding back my laughter and rolls back in laughter himself. He then suddenly picks me up and throws me back against the bed and starts tickling me. I roll around in laughter, clutching my sides, barely breathing and his lusty laugh joins me.

After a few moments we remain quiet, lying peacefully beside each other, enjoying the silence. He then turns to me, his smile different now, more intense, and draws me to him, to continue what had been paused earlier on. This time, it is my bra that comes off.

We both have that need now, pushing us to accomplish something. Driving us. We don't waste anymore time and take off the few clothes we had on still. After sliding the key to us not having children right now on, he slips into me with a cocky smile, provoking a sigh that escapes my lips as my thighs reach up to him.

After continuous strokes and pleasure, with the final moan we collapse on top of each other, smiling at the other's smile.

I feel relaxed ans safe with him, yet he still drives me mad when he does stupid stuff. We always end up the way we just ended up. It's like he can control me, use me and then throw me away. Yet still, I take the bait while he rows me in. Why do I do that? I should learn to control my hormones. But with him, it's as if I turn into another woman, dependent on him and boy does that make me mad.

I can't believe I just did this again with him. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to be in his clutches again, falling time after time. I stand up quickly and feel his gaze on my bare body as I rush around picking up my clothes from the floor. I don't turn around, I already know that he has a self-satisfied grin on his handsome face.I want to punch it and I know that if I were a boy I'd already have done it. How does he manipulate me this way, I'm just another one of his games. Something to help pass the time and never more than that. Once again, I feel used, a feeling that usually comes with him.

After putting on my clothes, I turn around and give him a hard stare.

"No more using me. I'm serious now, Jake. I'm leaving now and this time I'm not coming back. I've had enough of you and your stupid games. There are lots of girls around, and one of those that you are looking for is on the corner of any street. I won't be that type of girl with shattered dreams anymore, it's over between you and I."

As I start going down the stairs, I'm reminded once more of the song 'Because of you' from Kelly Clarkson. This will be just another faded memory, with no need to remember it any longer. The song will no longer be true for me. It's time for a change. Of life. Of him.

....

My mouth is still in a smirk as I watch her leave my room, her hair messed up. But the frown appears when I realize she really is serious. I just assumed that she'd forgive me, like she always does. I guess this time she really is fed up with me. And no wonder she is like that. I screw up everything I do. I've lost her, my little Lauren.

I have to admit in the beginning she really was one of the many girls that passed through my room, pastimes all of them. But as I grew to know her better, I realized I really loved her. She had captured my loner of a heart. And now that bright spark in my life is gone. I know her too well to know that there aren't any chances of her coming back to me, she is really stubborn.I had been honest with her earlier on but I don't blame her for not believing it. I've used that lie too many times

I wrap the sheets around me, they still smell of her. I really do love her.

What is wrong with me! I punch my pillow. Maybe all this was meant to be, maybe I was meant to hurt her so in the end she could hurt me, the way no-one else had ever done. And in this moment I realize. I can't keep playing with girls. And I can't keep controlling them, as if I were better than them. The only person I have loved just gave me a down to earth lesson.

Maybe it's time I change, maybe it's time to turn around my life. I will always remember her as the girl who changed my life, changed my plans and changed me. There might be hope for everyone. Everyone like me. It's clear enough; if you play with something you love, you'll lose it. People should know that, I should have known that. People suffer when they shouldn't. No more playing with something loved, no more screwing around. That never leads to anything good.I lay back on my bed and close my eyes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey! How are you all doing?

So anyway, some of my friends had been asking me to write something related to sex, and since it is sort of a taboo in this society, at least to say it out loud (or written), I agreed. I'd actually never written nothing related to this subject so it was a new experience for me hahaha (sorry if it's a bit crappy, I tried my best. I could have continued the sexual part but I felt it was two much, at least for now) But I also wanted there to be some sort of lesson, at least help, to those reading. And well, out came Jake and with him Lauren. I hope you enjoyed the story/weird tale.

Here go my questions; Has anything like this ever happened to you? If it has, nobody is forcing you to talk about it but it would be nice to share some opinions. Do you think Jake will actually change? And if so, change into what? I love reading your comments. I do hope you'll want to comment.

The usual, if you want me to tell you that there's a new post my twitter and ask are the links on the left.

I don't know if I'll upload before New Year so I'll wish you now a very happy and wonderful New year and enjoy it's many opportunities.

I love you and thanks for reading

Esther Alós © All rights reserved 

Pure Self

A group of people had stopped to stare at them. At the couple. A girl and a boy. Subconsciously they had arranged themselves into a circle around the girl and boy. The girl blushed, she was really shy, especially in front of a big crowd. The boy stepped closer to her and whispered in her left ear;

" Crystal. Honey, I'm here okay? You aren't alone, I'm doing this with you. Just forget the rest of them, act like they aren't even there. Just concentrate on yourself, never mind anyone else."

She nodded and slipped away from him, still trembling with nervousness. It wasn't that she hadn't ever been in front of such a big audience, what's more, she had been in front of even more people. It was the nerves that started up every time, at first they were only little butterflies fluttering around in her stomach, but then they started to turn into big bugs whopping around as if they owned the place.

David looked at her, looking for any sign that assured him she was fine. She stared up into his face, the face she had been glad to call her own a few years back. When she first met David, their relationship had been like any other; they met, they flirted, and they started dating. It was all very romantic but unfortunately all that died away, and they ended up not feeling the same things they had felt in the beginning. At the end their relationship had evolved to them being best friends, almost to the point that they called themselves brother and sister. They were they only people they had and were always there for the other one.

Crystal closed her eyes and breathed deeply. This was her moment. Her time to shine. Her universe.

The music started to play and it seeped through her body, penetrating her bones as if it were the wind playing sounds and melodies while making patterns through the rocks at the beach on a windy day. It began to drench her like rain pouring on to her fragile and tiny body. At the same time it made her grow. It made her feel strong and it held her up. Since she was little it had been her source of energy, it had been what cured her on those lonely nights after her father had died and her mother had taken to drinking, wasting all their hard-earned money on endless bottles of whisky and vodka, never coming home without being drunk. It had been her only partner and friend when she cleaned up after her mother or when her school mates laughed at her. It had become her life and her way of living, especially after a neighbor had taken pity on her and introduced her for the first time to a ballet class.

That was when her absolute happiness had started. Since then she had improved in every aspect and gained a skill almost unknown to any one else.She had gained self confidence and energy that spurted out every time she heard music. She didn't dance to any particular type of music. She had long gone past that and mixed up different types of music, from ballet and hip-hop, to funky and ball room dances. The only thing that mattered to her was that it was music, that it was her essence.

She started to move slowly with the music, taking in little by little the rhythm, swaying and rocking from one side to another, slightly turning her head too, depending to which side she moved her body to. Then she started with the arms, gracefully lifting them up to the sky and creating patterns with her hands following her feet and legs.

To all those watching it seemed as though they had a swan in front of them. A beautiful swan dancing through their souls, as if it were gliding through the water slightly rising it's wings and creating a breeze that barely sprayed the water close to it.

Crystal felt like a white, pure swan as well, while she flowed though all her movements that were so smooth and so natural, while still being an elegant swan poised to show the world how it was nature itself in it's purest state. And she was sure that was what people were seeing too, as she lived through every move she made, curving and bending in spirals while turning and bowing.

It was appealing and it took your breath away to see her live every small step she took, the way she rose and fell to the music, with every motion and gesture, stirring every heart and giving it warmth while freezing the world around her. Stirring old memories and moments and just feeling the pleasure to see her and feel the dance and melody with her.

She flowed from one move into another, smooth as a summer lake at dawn, or maybe a sheet of ice, sometimes overlapping one movement onto the previous like waves fighting to reach the shore before the other did, but at the same time making it a precious moment in time.

Crystal wasn't even seeing anyone around her. She was in her own place, enjoying this gift life had given her. Eyes closed and body moving, it wasn't her anymore, it was a life itself lighting up her insides so nobody else mattered.

She slowly came to a halt, slightly sweating, with her cheeks flushed with emotion. She opened her eyes and a tear came out .Everybody standing there watching her perform her art started to clap their hearts out.

She wished this feeling on every one of those standing there cheering her on. It was a feeling of being in love with what you did, a feeling of enjoying it and living every second of it. If only people realized that life was about doing what you want, what you care for and taking joy in what you did, just as she had just done.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe life isn't all about living to it's fullest like most people say, but it's more about enjoying it to the point where you forget everything that surounds you, when only you exist. Only yourself and that thing which fills you up inside. Something that gives you passion and perfection.

Did you like this post? What are your opinions? I do have a question. Think about what really makes you happy, what fill you up inside and makes you enjoy like almost nothing else does. Think about it and comment below, it doesn't have to be something, it could just as well be someone.

Any way, how is your Christmas going? Did Santa Claus bring you anything? Mine brought me some books, makeup and clothes. I do hope you are having a great time. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And all that usual stuff, my twitter is @estherturbi and you can ask me anything or just chat with me. The same goes for my ask. The links are on the left.

Love you all

Esther Alós © All rights reserved 

Her Part II

(Her, Part 1)
As she began running, she knew she was being followed by the man, as footsteps pattered quickly after her. She couldn't keep running, she knew he was faster than her and probably had much more stamina than her. It was only a matter of time until he caught up with her. She looked around and saw a fire escape on the side of an old building. Desperate as she was, she saw she had no other choice and hurried up, with no way to know if she was going into a worse situation.

As she began climbing up, turning and turning at every floor, she tried to remember what the man looked like. All she could remember were his eyes and hair, seeing as he'd had half his face covered up. He wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He could have merely been a simple bystander, with no role to play and nothing to accomplish. There was definitely no way of knowing it had been him if she found him in the street. But she had seen a twinkle in his eyes, a twinkle of recognition. She was sure he had recognized her, and wanted to kill her, before she found a way out or discovered who he was.

She still had that sinking feeling in her stomach she had felt since she first saw him that she knew him from somewhere. Of course, that might have been because he had killed someone right before her eyes. The fact that he had killed somebody, with a single blow no less, without even stopping to think about it. 

And the poor man, so old and so full of wisdom and knowledge. She had never met anyone who had captivated her so much. Less than ten seconds their encounter had lasted, ten seconds of his life that he would never get back. Ten seconds he had wasted on her, probably knowing they would be the last. And that she was the last person he would ever see. The last person to set his eyes upon and the last to see him breath.

That worried her, the way he had looked at her made her realize that what he had given her and what he was going to say was so important that he had risked his life just to get the message to her. It was something that went beyond the limits of her mind, a mind used to a regular life but nevertheless, trained and made to accomplish whatever mind blowing missions were sent her way.

 But it still worried her. It worried her to the extent that she had stopped, caught up in her thoughts.

She only saw that she had stopped when  she heard the heavy steps starting to climb. He had found her out! She felt him go up, one step at a time, like a predator so sure he was going to catch his victim, so sure of himself that there was no need to hurry. Seeing it like that, it was easy to see why he thought he could make it to her and kill her. She was the useless rabbit, meal to many creatures, while he was the sly, dangerous and crafty fox.

It was just another game for him, just to play with her a bit, the way a cat would scamper around chasing an innocent mouse, trapping it in corners and making it's tiny heart race while reaching for it with it's sharpened claws, attacking and retracting slowly, just for the sheer pleasure of a hunting game. She was the mouse and he was the cat. A game of hide and seek, a game of intelligence, a race for life.

She passed by a window when she started to climb again. It was just a window, it had no importance whatsoever, but it made her realize that maybe one of the best virtues in life was something as simple as a window. Of course, it was what she had seen inside that made her think this.

She had seen a young girl, no more than four or five years old, with her hair held up by bright orange rubber bands in two tiny ponytails, each emerging from both sides of her small round head. She was with her grandfather, or so it seemed, and was climbing on to his lap while he delicately helped her, making sure she didn't hurt herself, but at the same time letting her decide her own path, letting her decide for herself and making her seem important, even if only to her beloved grandfather.

She couldn't bear to look at that scene anymore. It was a childhood she'd never had, a childhood she so desperately yearned for, a childhood taken from her without the slightest care for her feelings, or how that would affect her in life. Her family snatched away from her, leaving her helpless and alone. Those feelings she needed, basic cuddles or whispering comforting words in her ears, stuff she had never had. Things like those that every small child needed in order to feel something good out of life. That's where he had come in, crashing into her life like a bulldozer, a handsome bulldozer at that. He had changed her life in so many ways, surprising her then as much as he still did now. He had taken her out of that dark hole and introduced her to the world, recreating her and giving her hope. Hope that was long forgotten. Hope that had barely existed in her life. Hope that was new to her,a new feeling, a feeling of happiness, something she hadn't experienced almost at all in those few years of live her mother had given her.

A tear fell down her cheek. Clear and transparent it fell, smudging the dirt and dust that had been gathering on her face throughout the day. She quickly pulled her hand up and cleared the water. If she didn't concentrate she would end up walking with her parents and siblings.

She had been going up for a while now, you could tell t was one of the first skyscrapers built around that neighborhood, seeing that this was one of the oldest neighborhoods, and maybe the most dangerous. If not the most, the next in line to be it. Then why what she doing here? And on the brink of being killed. And while we're at it, why had she put up with waiting for him, the way she always did? It made no sense, except to say that she was in love, as much as a person could love another one, she loved him.

She reached a window that had been left open and without stopping to think about it, ducked inside. As she stepped down from the window pane, her eyes began to adjust to the darkness inside that room. It was an oppressing darkness that surrounded her. And it was very stuffy and dusty, you could tell it had not been cleaned out for quite some time. As her eyes adjusted to that overwhelming darkness, she began to make out several shapes. Some were covered up pieces of furniture, while others were statues and little figurines.

Suddenly she heard the heavy footsteps behind her again and spun around, rushing to close the window, which luckily had a lock, taking advantage of that piece of luck and locking it too. She then ran to hide behind something that appeared to be a big armchair. As she sat down behind it, she  made sure the strange man couldn't see her from the window, she leaned out a bit and peeked at the window, waiting for the man to pass. As she had predicted, the man appeared slowly afterwards. Now she could see a bit more of him without risking her life.

He had broad shoulders and you could tell he was well built. He had two or three hairs that barely stood out on his shiny bald head. Petty eyes that stood out because his mouth was turned into a malicious snarl. He looked like he he'd never been kind to anyone or raised a single hand to help somebody out. What's more, he looked as if all he'd done in his life was make the lives of the rest of everybody else miserable. But she didn't think he worked alone, he probably worked for someone else. Someone who had great power, enough to turn his soul into something evil. She could tell it was like that just by looking into his eyes. She was trained to see that sort of stuff, to see into one's soul and sometimes she could even control people with her eyes.

The man ran past the window and continued climbing upwards. She breathed a sigh of relief and slumped against the chair. She stayed like that for some times, absorbed in her thoughts and not really being conscious of time passing. She was replaying everything that had happened that day, since she had woken up to his call, begging her to meet him later on. She then started remembering the past days, and how so many curious things had happened. Even her boss had been acting weird and she was sure something big was afoot but she hadn't dared to even ask. She knew they would tell her in their own time, and even then, they wouldn't tell her everything. That's the way it worked with them.

She put her hands in her coat pockets to keep them warm and felt the rough surface of a crinkled piece of paper. She recalled it was what the old man had tried to give her before being so brutally murdered. She pulled it out, and indeed it was the ruffled, almost broken paper she had snatched up at the last moment. Why was it so important? Well, whatever it was, she couldn't dally on it, and waste time just now to read whatever was on it. She slipped it back into her pocket and let her thoughts wander again.

When her bones started to ache and she couldn't really move, she realized a great deal of time had passed and she slowly stood up, feeling how her muscles protested with every tiny movement she made. She looked around, breathing relaxed for the first time that day and approached a tiny statue standing on the left of her. It was a woman staring up, looking up into the infinity, with a deep look, creating a tingling feeling of mystery. She had some difficulty looking away from it, and stumbled backwards.

Suddenly she heard a sound coming from the door and a line of light from underneath the door. She didn't know what to do and started to panic. She could hear footsteps coming closer and closer towards the room.
Someone grabbed hold of the door handle and it slowly bent while the door began to creak open.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So anyway, here you go; another of my boring, not interesting post.
What do you think is going to happen? Who is behind the door? And where is her handsome friend she had been waiting for? And that strange piece of paper, what is on it? 

If you have any questions, opinions or you think you know the answers to these questions just write a comment below. Especially if you want me to continue the story or if you'd like me to write about some idea that sprang up in your head.

And if you want me to tell you when there's a new post up, my twitter is @estherturbi .
Keep enjoying life, luv you

Esther Alós © All rights reserved 

Lower

As you know, I've been in love with a boy who goes to my school since practically third grade.

Have I told you how I love everything about him? If I have, never mind, he's worth telling it again. Because it's him we're talking about. And everything about him. The way he walks down the corridor, sure of himself, never looking down and never hesitating. The way he smiles at everybody, whoever they are, with a true smile. One of those that you almost never see anymore, so sincere, cute and perfect. And god, his eyes. So brown they're almost black. Filled with life and optimism. The way they shine and light up every dark corner, even if only because of their beauty.

He is the guy every girl at school is drooling for. He has all the cheerleaders on top of him, and is sort of like the most popular boy in my school. And how does that leave me? Well, as if I were a wall. A wall he passes everyday without paying any attention to it. A wall that is merely there to add to the structure of the school. I am part of the social structure. Only, I'm at the very bottom of it while he's at the very top. Hopeless huh? 

You could say it's the typical story, repeating itself over and over again. The king and the maid. The princess and the pauper. The rich girl and the server boy. Yes, you could say it's that all over again. But I'm not. I'm not saying that. Probably because I have hope.. Probably because i have dreams. And surely because it's true. It's not the typical story, it's my life. Having been in the same school for my whole life, and only loved one guy makes me realize how special he is, and makes we pray for something to happen.

I know nothing will happen, it never does. Because this is real life, and in real life these things never turn out as in the books. Why should they? They aren't stories made to entertain someone. No need to make anybody cry, or laugh. No need to make that perfect ending everybody's waiting for. No need to join us, or as destiny would say; intertwine our lives like a braid to join our souls as one. False promises and devastated hopes.

I saw him at school again. This time it was special; I accidentally bumped into him and as he turned around, I quickly said sorry and ran off. He followed me.

He actually ran after me. He actually chased me through the halls while I tried to escape him.

He caught up. Obviously. He grabbed my arm and turned me around till I stood facing him. My heart was beating really fast and my cheeks had already turned pink. I was already so used to my face burning up, I didn't even notice. That is, until he pointed it out to me while asking if I was okay and why had I fled from him.I barely said ten words. I just whispered sorry and that I was fine, and walked away again. He didn't follow me this time.

So I went to class, thinking that I had blown my only chance to talk to him, and to show him how I really was. Instead of that, I had panicked and messed everything up. I was feeling really dreadful in class and thinking how stupid I was when the door to class opened and he came in. My heart started the usual drum solo it had been practicing for years now, which showed up whenever I saw him.

He walked over to the teacher's desk and showed him a paper. I guessed it was an absence excuse to why he was late. All I could think about was how handsome he looked in skinny black jeans and light blue striped shirt. 

He turned around and caught me staring at him. I blushed and looked down, pretending to read the book I had open. One of the best things of being an outcast at my school was that I sat at the very back alone, which allowed me to mind my own business and not have to pay attention in class.

The next thing I knew, he had plopped down next to me and was asking me which page we were on. I looked up at him, surprised and astonished. What was he doing back here? And what was he doing talking to me? I answered him and looked down at my book again. I didn't speak for the rest of the class and as soon as the bell rang I hurried of. Thank god it was the last class of the day, so I went home directly.

Well, dear diary, as you can see, this day has been full of emotions. Some would say it's an ordinary day, some would say I am weird. But what I say is, how can you love so much a person and know his habits so well, and not be able to speak to him or even look at him in the face.

Diary, thank god I still have you. The only thing that keeps me from going mad and where I can express myself in this world where speaking out your emotions isn't looked well upon. Who knows what will happen tomorrow...when I see him again....

Kisses,

Iris

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So there's a new post. Kind of different. Anyway, I thought a little change might be okay. Did you like it? Do you want me to continue the story? Or is it fine the way it is? What do you think will happen? Leave your comments or opinions below. (There is an anonymous option)

By the way, if you want me to tell you that there's a new post up, follow me on twitter (@estherturbi) or tell me through twitter or ask (htttp://ask.fm/turbs) and I'll tell you when a new one is up. 

That's about it. Oh, wait! I do have news. I've finished my exams so I can post up more often.

Loads of kisses and infinity of thanks for reading

Esther Alós © All rights reserved