My heart aches, and I can barely breath.
I want to cry, I want to shout, I want do hit something. But I can't. There's this knot in my chest, and it keeps getting worse. I want to move but I'm still, I can't move. My body refuses to let me move, my feet don't respond my brain and my arms don't follow orders. I'm just in shock.
Dennis just broke up with me. I can still remember those painful words he told me. He said that things had changed between us, that he could tell I had changed my feelings towards him and that he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't care for him any longer. I was stricken when he said that and walked off. He was so wrong.
I love Dennis with all my little heart and I can't bear that he is no longer mine, that I can no longer push his soft brown hair out of his eyes. That I can't give him a little peck when he's near or that we can't hold hands.
It is true that lately I've been distant with him, but that's because I'm worried. I'm worried that he has stopped feeling about me the same way, that he now loves someone else. I guess I was right. I worried he would leave me and that's exactly what he did. I wonder what's her name, if she's pretty or if she loves him maybe only half as I do. I doubt she loves him more than I do.
Maybe she'll lean into him and they'll cuddle up together while watching the sunset, you know, all that typical mushy stuff they say in the movies. Maybe they'll hold hands and walk together. But they won't ever be the same as us. She wont look into his eyes and be captured in another universe, she won't know his sudden mood-swings or how he was when he was little. They'll never be like we were. And at the same time that heartens me, it brings me down. I don't want Dennis to be unhappy, but I'm selfish and I want that happiness to be because of me and for me.
I love him so much and it's my own fault he has left me. He thought I had stopped loving him, and for that reason gave up on me. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next day, seeing him in school and not talking to him for the first time in several years.
*The next day*
I catch my breath when I see him, dressed in his grey jeans and light blue t-shirt. He looks so normal yet he still captivates me every time I see him, he has done that since the very first day, when we were only kids and he threw the lunch my mother had prepared for me all over the floor and I burst out crying. I can still remember his face when he saw my tears and brushed them away, a guilty look in his eyes. I didn't know how much someone could love another person then. Over the years we became inseparable and told each other everything, and then our friendship slowly became something else. We became dependent on the other and jealous when we weren't close together or when someone else flashed one of us a cocky and flirty smile.
He catches me looking and changes his expression, into one I can't recognize, and I've seen many of his different faces. This one carries some sort of hate and disappointment, as well as regret. I can tell there is still a special type of love in his brown, deep eyes. I can guess my own expression and I know it isn't good, I feel like I've let him down but I don't know why. I want to get closer to him but I know that if I do that, he'll only run away.
I decide to do it anyway and start getting closer to him. As I'm close I can see in his eyes a flash of pain which makes me momentarily stop, but that only makes me more determined to figure out all of this. I just want to get back with him, forget whatever had me worrying, assure him that my feelings were the same as ever, if not more than before. I want to tell him I still love him, that I've only been distant these past few days because I thought he didn't love me, basically because he was being distant too. We were both wrong.
As I step even closer to him, I see a flash of blond hair on my right heading straight towards Dennis. My breath catches in my throat as I see her lean into him and give him a peck on the cheek. God! It was only yesterday we broke up and he's already with somebody else. A badly dyed, chest-operated, flouncy and snob blond. Okay, maybe the poor girl isn't actually that bad but I'm really pissed of here so give me a break. My mouth is still gaping open when he turns towards me. He sees my face and is immediately alarmed, panicking away. This time, my eyes do win me over and start to tickle and burn, I can't cry in front of him. Eyes, hang on! Don't cry, I keep repeating. Too late... Tears start running down my cheeks and I can't be in front of the new couple anymore. So I do what's in my nature, I flee.
*Dennis' P.O.V.*
Shit! May! Oh, god. She can't have just seen that. She doesn't even know who Jenny is. She's probably freaking out right now. I look into her eyes. Man, sometimes I hate being right. Her eyes are brimming and it looks like soon the damns will break. And there I go again, being right. She rushes off and I'm heartbroken. She doesn't know Jenny, I meant to tell her about it but never got around to do it, especially after the fight and the break-up.
She has to believe me! She has to, she has to! I can't lose her. I've always been on the shy side though with her it's as though I'm in another world, a world where everything is trust and laughter. A world where I can actually be happy and not have to worry about my family or what people are going to say about me. I can be safe with her. Safe and happy.
I look down to my grubby shoes and swear once again. I hate to swear but I can't lose her. At least not as a friend, I don't want her out of my life. Heck! I don't even want to stop going out with her but I had to do it. I don't want to love someone so bad only to not have them love you back. I thought I knew May, and I thought she loved me. I actually thought she loved me back but I guess her attitude lately with me just proves I was wrong. Maybe I didn't contribute much but she started being weird and all sort of like silent last week and maybe she realized I wasn't worth it anymore. I hate being insecure. And I hate that I adore May with every fiber of my being, with every speck of dust on this planet, with every millimeter of my bruising heart.
I'm pretty sure she thought wrong about Jenny, actually, I'm absolutely confident she did. There's no way on Earth that I would cheat on her, even less with Jenny. Disgusting. That must have hurt her but going after her would only make things worse, I know her and she has probably run somewhere not even I know, just to be alone. She doesn't love me anymore, that's the only thought in my head.
I just want her to love me. To come back to me.
*May's P.O.V.*
I run blindly, almost crashing a few times and I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I'll wake up with bruises. I don't even know where I'm going, I only know I'm going where my feet are taking me. A route I lately use a lot. As I start to see more clearly I realize that I'm heading towards the park where I used to go to when I was little. A park that holds many, many memories for me. It was where I went to before I knew Dennis, where I used to spend endless hours by myself, playing with the sand or swings and watching as other children ignored me and only went with their own friends. Friends I never had, but always wanted.
This week it's been my hiding place, the only place I know Dennis won't come to look for me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even remember that this was where we met. That time oh so long ago that he threw my sandwich on the floor and then brushed away my tears. That slight moment when things happen for a reason but you don't know when or why. As I sit on the swing once again, his face flashes into my mind again and I sigh. How can you love somebody who doesn't love you back. And that blond, oh that blond. I want to run into his arms but I know he wants to be alone. I know he doesn't want me around. I go to a bench and lay down, not wanting anyone to see me.
I just want him to love me. To come back to me.
*Dennis' P.O.V.*
I don't want to be alone. I want her to me with me, around me and clung to me. A smile slips as I remember the many times we've taken a nap together and she's there with her legs and arms wrapped around me, like hanging on for dear life. Then, as soon as it came, it goes, when I realize she won't be doing that anymore. She doesn't love me.
I decide to talk a walk. After some time, and lots of thoughts rushing through my mind, I find myself in a park. A normal looking park, except for the fact that it had rusty swings and damaged slides.
I'm pretty sure she thought wrong about Jenny, actually, I'm absolutely confident she did. There's no way on Earth that I would cheat on her, even less with Jenny. Disgusting. That must have hurt her but going after her would only make things worse, I know her and she has probably run somewhere not even I know, just to be alone. She doesn't love me anymore, that's the only thought in my head.
I just want her to love me. To come back to me.
*May's P.O.V.*
I run blindly, almost crashing a few times and I'm pretty sure that tomorrow I'll wake up with bruises. I don't even know where I'm going, I only know I'm going where my feet are taking me. A route I lately use a lot. As I start to see more clearly I realize that I'm heading towards the park where I used to go to when I was little. A park that holds many, many memories for me. It was where I went to before I knew Dennis, where I used to spend endless hours by myself, playing with the sand or swings and watching as other children ignored me and only went with their own friends. Friends I never had, but always wanted.
This week it's been my hiding place, the only place I know Dennis won't come to look for me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even remember that this was where we met. That time oh so long ago that he threw my sandwich on the floor and then brushed away my tears. That slight moment when things happen for a reason but you don't know when or why. As I sit on the swing once again, his face flashes into my mind again and I sigh. How can you love somebody who doesn't love you back. And that blond, oh that blond. I want to run into his arms but I know he wants to be alone. I know he doesn't want me around. I go to a bench and lay down, not wanting anyone to see me.
I just want him to love me. To come back to me.
*Dennis' P.O.V.*
I don't want to be alone. I want her to me with me, around me and clung to me. A smile slips as I remember the many times we've taken a nap together and she's there with her legs and arms wrapped around me, like hanging on for dear life. Then, as soon as it came, it goes, when I realize she won't be doing that anymore. She doesn't love me.
I decide to talk a walk. After some time, and lots of thoughts rushing through my mind, I find myself in a park. A normal looking park, except for the fact that it had rusty swings and damaged slides.
Even the little figures kids could get up on were old and one could tell that it hadn't been used for a long time. There was even a seesaw, but it looked as if nobody had gotten on it and made it swing up and down for a very long time.
It reminds me of the days I ran around with May, just enjoying life and screaming our heads off. I doubt that park still exists. I do remember sweet, bright grass getting into our clothes and mouths, while we were rolling around laughing hysterically.
As I was coming I though I saw someone in the same park I'm in, but seeing as there's nobody here I guess it was just my imagination. It could be because I was distracted though, because I can't stop thinking about May.
May was probably the only woman I've ever loved. What am I saying? IS, she is the only woman I'll ever love.
I still remember the first day I saw her; she was close to the swings in some sort of park, eating a sandwich I guess her mother had made her. Of course, at that age, girls were viewed as germs, so I did what any boy my age would do. I ran up to her and threw the sandwich on the floor, just to laugh a bit. Little did I know that when I saw her teary eyes and trembling bottom lip, I would be filled up with guilt and warmth towards her. I swept away her tears and haven't left her side since then. The first time I loved her was then and I fell in love with her few minutes after, when I told her a joke and she laughed, with a smile so precious and beautiful it could make any negative feelings inside you disappear. Her mouth was her bow and her arrow was her smile, diving straight for my heart. One shot and she hit the bulls eye.
The park looks so lonely, like a lost puppy after just being separated from it's mother. What I can imagine was once a splendid park, blooming in glory with loads of kids running around had become another place for teenagers to roll around in while getting drunk. It had obviously been through splendid times, only to age and be forgotten as it's once loyal followers age with it.
I realize all I've done is just stand there doing nothing, thank god nobody was actually watching me, so I make my way over to a bench near some bushes and sit down, accidentally making a twig snap, before lying down on it, just so I can gaze at the clouds floating above me, flying freely and wishing it was me, with May.
*May's P.O.V.*
Someone's in the park with me. I can hear him and yes, I do know it's a him, even if it's only because of the heavy footsteps I hear, knowing quite well that no girl can make that sound. I am still, not wanting to make a sound and close my eyes, hoping he'll just leave and let me get on with my sulking, the tears have long gone.
Before I realize, I wake up. I must have snoozed off a bit although not much, the sun is almost in the same place it was before and the slight shade the tree nearby is giving me has barely shifted. I suddenly hear a sniff and I'm on alert again, he hasn't left. Unfortunately for me, it sounds very close, almost as if he were beside me. I slowly sit up and look around, not seeing anybody but gasp when I look down and find myself gazing into the greenest eyes I have ever seen, eyes that I know exactly who they're from. Dennis. It's the only word in my head. Dennis' eyes grow large as they recognize me, but they never leave my own. They are locked together, his hand has moved up and is cupping my cheek, while my thoughts are replaced by Ed Sheeran's Autumn Leaves (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98svcsH9fs). It's the perfect song for us right now, when yesterday he was mine and today he's hers.
I'm shocked to see that his eyes are a bit red, probably relating to the sniff I heard earlier. Dennis never cries, he doesn't m¡want to let water win him over, he never has so seeing the remains of what might have been a slight cry makes me think that maybe, just maybe he still loves me, enough to cry. Neither of us make a sound, wanting to to something but at the same time scared to do it. He clears his throat and begins to speak in a raspy voice, the raspy voice that I have bean hearing for years and love.
*Dennis' P.O.V.*
"May", I whisper, making it barely audible.
"May. Oh, my May. My little drop of sunshine in the rain", I say, referring to a joke between us, seeing as her name is May and in May there are many, many storms, through which May and I have gone through together. Never mind, I get it.
I realize all I've done is just stand there doing nothing, thank god nobody was actually watching me, so I make my way over to a bench near some bushes and sit down, accidentally making a twig snap, before lying down on it, just so I can gaze at the clouds floating above me, flying freely and wishing it was me, with May.
*May's P.O.V.*
Someone's in the park with me. I can hear him and yes, I do know it's a him, even if it's only because of the heavy footsteps I hear, knowing quite well that no girl can make that sound. I am still, not wanting to make a sound and close my eyes, hoping he'll just leave and let me get on with my sulking, the tears have long gone.
Before I realize, I wake up. I must have snoozed off a bit although not much, the sun is almost in the same place it was before and the slight shade the tree nearby is giving me has barely shifted. I suddenly hear a sniff and I'm on alert again, he hasn't left. Unfortunately for me, it sounds very close, almost as if he were beside me. I slowly sit up and look around, not seeing anybody but gasp when I look down and find myself gazing into the greenest eyes I have ever seen, eyes that I know exactly who they're from. Dennis. It's the only word in my head. Dennis' eyes grow large as they recognize me, but they never leave my own. They are locked together, his hand has moved up and is cupping my cheek, while my thoughts are replaced by Ed Sheeran's Autumn Leaves (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r98svcsH9fs). It's the perfect song for us right now, when yesterday he was mine and today he's hers.
I'm shocked to see that his eyes are a bit red, probably relating to the sniff I heard earlier. Dennis never cries, he doesn't m¡want to let water win him over, he never has so seeing the remains of what might have been a slight cry makes me think that maybe, just maybe he still loves me, enough to cry. Neither of us make a sound, wanting to to something but at the same time scared to do it. He clears his throat and begins to speak in a raspy voice, the raspy voice that I have bean hearing for years and love.
*Dennis' P.O.V.*
"May", I whisper, making it barely audible.
"May. Oh, my May. My little drop of sunshine in the rain", I say, referring to a joke between us, seeing as her name is May and in May there are many, many storms, through which May and I have gone through together. Never mind, I get it.
I know she is waiting for me to say something. I obviously need to say something but I can't bring myself to do it, it's too painful to have the love of my life in front of me, knowing she doesn't love me back. Her hazel eyes are puffy, swollen and red, giving away that she has been crying, and by the looks of it, for quite a long time. I feel a sickening in my stomach, knowing that this is because of me.
"Jenny"
"Jenny? What do you mean Jenny?" She looks at me, puzzled.
"She's the blond you saw earlier on. I swear we have nothing. There is nothing between us. I don't care about her like I care about you. She's just someone who won't stop following me, I'd never have anything with her. In fact, she's just like my little sister, that's all she is to me. I'm just going to risk everything to tell you, I love you May, I've never loved anyone else. There never was anyone else for me, just you. I'm serious May, I don't care if you don't feel the same way. Well, of course I mind, I mean if you don't love me back It will hurt but I'm trying to understand, to make you feel okay with this. So n a special sort of way it doesn't really matter if you love me or not. What I'm trying to say is that I love you over everything else. You are that part of me that without it I would feel empty. Without you I can't do anything in life. May, don't cry. Look at me honey, I don't care if you don't love me back, I'll accept that even if it hurts, so don't feel guilty." I get the words mixed up and I highly doubt she caught what I was trying to tell her.
May is looking at me with tears in her eyes again. I stand up and walk around the bushes that separated us. As I sit down with her on the bench, I take her hands and hold them in mine, while not letting go of her eyes. I don't know if what I've just said actually means anything to her. After all these years and I still don't know what she is thinking right now. It's so frustrating. Maybe I'm too late, maybe she's already let me go, maybe she's realized I'm no longer worth it, or that her new boyfriend is better. She sees me staring off and catches my attention again my clicking her fingers together. As I stare back at her, millions of thoughts running through my head I realize she has stopped crying and is smiling. Actually smiling.
*May's P.O.V.*
Wow. For a few moments back then I couldn't say anything, let alone show any emotion. After Dennis comes around and sits next to me I begin to swallow his words, and understand what he is telling me. He loves me! I'm probably smiling like a fool right now, oh well. He loves me, he loves me. We both should have listened to the other, that way no misunderstandings could take place. Relationships are all about trus and communication, so if you have a problem, just go talk it out.
I don't even bother replying. I gently cup his cheek and lean into him. Dennis sees me and leans in too. Our foreheads are together and we're looking into each other's eyes.
"I love you too", I say before joining our lips.
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sorry for the sappy ending, I just adore cute things like these. It actually was much much longer,Jenny was going to do stuff and there were more people involved but that would have been way too long, especially since this isn't a story I'm updating chapters on. And well of course there's the fact that I lost it...yeah, you can kill me.... I forgot to save. Whoopsie.
Misunderstandings can lead to many bad things. Whether you're in a relationship or with your friends try to keep those misunderstandings to the minimum so no one gets hurt.
I also want to say sorry. Sorry for putting a post up like more than a month later since the last. When I lost this post and had to rewrite it entirely,I sort of lost my motivation to keep writing with it.Especially when I barely get any comments, I don't know, it just isn't very motivating. I'm also thinking of writing a story parallel to the posts I post, meaning I'll still post stuff, random stories and all that but at the same time a story. The thing is, I wouldn't know what to write about and if a story would be well received. That's where you guys come in, Do you want me to write a sort of mini-novel or not? If so, what are your ideas for it?
Anyway thanks again for reading my blog and please, pretty please with a cherry on the top, please comment.
Love you
P.S. Changed the blog a bit
