"Dude, relax 'k?", I'm not interested in what he has to say. I've already heard enough of his shit and I won't listen to anything else he has to say.
It's always the same thing. He screws up and expects me to run into his arms once he apologizes but that isn't going to happen this time. He thinks he can go around flirting with other girls. I know he and I aren't anything official, that we aren't dating and that we aren't a couple. It's his way, he doesn't like to date people and we never said anything about us being together but it does sort of look like we're together. I mean, we go to the cinema or to get something to eat, but that usually happens when we meet outside school or we bump into each other accidentally.
"I am not going to relax! You know perfectly well that I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! What do I have to do to make you forgive me?"
I don't know if he actually means it. With Jake I can never tell if he only says that sort of thing to me because he wants me to believe it or because that really comes from his heart. I never know if it is true or just another lie of his.
I looked at him, my gaze hard and firm,
"Leave. Leave right now and don't bother to come back"
On the outside it looked as if it were all okay, as if I was actually calm as it seemed. But I wasn't. I was trembling, and on the verge of tears. I'd never done this before. Guys had always left me, never I them. I had never felt this way, Jake was someone who had changed all my plans, turned them around and flipped them upside down. Barely two or three months had passed since I had met him, but he still has that effect on me. I have to control my emotions and not let him get away with this. I know that if we keep talking, the tears that are beginning to swell up will probably fall loose and no way on Earth do I want him to know that this is actually affecting me. I have to be strong. He has already controlled me and messed up my mind enough as it is.
He looks at me and his eyes are full of sorrow. I feel pain in my chest. His pain is transferring into my heart and I'm weakening. It isn't fair. His eyes leave mine and look down at the floor.
"I didn't know that side of you Laurie, you really are kicking me out of my house, my room. After all we've been through, after the endless nights of sleep, after the long conversations, the cuddles, the kisses, those perfect nights." He comes closer to me, speaking in a soft tone, muddling my thoughts yet again. As he lifts my chin up he says,
"My little Lauren Allen, look at me in the eyes, come on beautiful. That's it. Look at me in the eyes while I tell you this. I'm telling you this because I mean it. I can't bear to be away from you. I know I don't date and I've been fighting my feelings for some time now, but I don't think I can keep doing that. I guess these few months have done more to me than I thought. In the beginning we were friends with benefits an I was fine with that but now that feeling of having someone always there for you sort of grew. I can't believe I'm going to say this, I think... No, actually, I know. Lauren, I love you."
I gasp, definitely not expecting this. I'd never imagine him saying that. I'm in shock right now. Him, Jake Wood, just told me he loves me. Jake takes advantage of the situation and gets closer to me. I can feel his warm breath heating my lips, only centimeters away. He closes the distance between us and kisses me. My eyes inevitably close as I enjoy the kiss. Our mouths are intertwined, our tongues playing with each other.
I want to get away, I want to tell him this is wrong. I want to push him off and tell him he can't fix problems this way. But I can't. He is too much for me. He overpowers me and I lose myself to him, ignoring my subconscious one again.
The room is heating up and his hands gently slip down from my face to my back to start tugging my t-shirt out from beneath my jeans. We lean out from each other a moment, so he can pull it of and almost automatically our mouths lock together again. His t-shirt is out soon too and before we know it we are on his bed. It is obvious that both our pants don't fit in the picture anymore. We barely waste a minute taking the other one's off.
We lie down, him on top of me, and we separate a bit. Jake looks down at me, his hair slightly tousled by my hands earlier on. He slowly starts running his hands across my tummy, creating shivers and slight sighs that come out of my mouth. He knows me well. He brings his mouth close to my ear and whispers stupid, slightly dirty things to me which, I hate to admit, turn me on. I know he is already aroused, I can tell by the mini-Jake shaped like budge wanting to escape his boxers.
I decide to make him suffer and make him pay for torturing me. My hand goes up to his aroused member and softly touches it, over the boxers and hardly enough to make him feel my hand. But brushing over it gives me the response I was waiting for as he closes his eyes and slowly leans into me. I move my hand around that part without moving it any closer and a sigh escapes his mouth. I remove my hand and he opens his eyes, a confused look in his eyes. I know he is hungry for more, I know he is. He whimpers like a lost puppy when he can tell my hand isn't going back.
He whispers my name in a questioning stance. I grin at him and giggle a bit. It's really funny to see him this way, helpless and lonely. He sees my grin and the way I'm holding back my laughter and rolls back in laughter himself. He then suddenly picks me up and throws me back against the bed and starts tickling me. I roll around in laughter, clutching my sides, barely breathing and his lusty laugh joins me.
After a few moments we remain quiet, lying peacefully beside each other, enjoying the silence. He then turns to me, his smile different now, more intense, and draws me to him, to continue what had been paused earlier on. This time, it is my bra that comes off.
We both have that need now, pushing us to accomplish something. Driving us. We don't waste anymore time and take off the few clothes we had on still. After sliding the key to us not having children right now on, he slips into me with a cocky smile, provoking a sigh that escapes my lips as my thighs reach up to him.
After continuous strokes and pleasure, with the final moan we collapse on top of each other, smiling at the other's smile.
I feel relaxed ans safe with him, yet he still drives me mad when he does stupid stuff. We always end up the way we just ended up. It's like he can control me, use me and then throw me away. Yet still, I take the bait while he rows me in. Why do I do that? I should learn to control my hormones. But with him, it's as if I turn into another woman, dependent on him and boy does that make me mad.
I can't believe I just did this again with him. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to be in his clutches again, falling time after time. I stand up quickly and feel his gaze on my bare body as I rush around picking up my clothes from the floor. I don't turn around, I already know that he has a self-satisfied grin on his handsome face.I want to punch it and I know that if I were a boy I'd already have done it. How does he manipulate me this way, I'm just another one of his games. Something to help pass the time and never more than that. Once again, I feel used, a feeling that usually comes with him.
After putting on my clothes, I turn around and give him a hard stare.
"No more using me. I'm serious now, Jake. I'm leaving now and this time I'm not coming back. I've had enough of you and your stupid games. There are lots of girls around, and one of those that you are looking for is on the corner of any street. I won't be that type of girl with shattered dreams anymore, it's over between you and I."
As I start going down the stairs, I'm reminded once more of the song 'Because of you' from Kelly Clarkson. This will be just another faded memory, with no need to remember it any longer. The song will no longer be true for me. It's time for a change. Of life. Of him.
....
My mouth is still in a smirk as I watch her leave my room, her hair messed up. But the frown appears when I realize she really is serious. I just assumed that she'd forgive me, like she always does. I guess this time she really is fed up with me. And no wonder she is like that. I screw up everything I do. I've lost her, my little Lauren.
I have to admit in the beginning she really was one of the many girls that passed through my room, pastimes all of them. But as I grew to know her better, I realized I really loved her. She had captured my loner of a heart. And now that bright spark in my life is gone. I know her too well to know that there aren't any chances of her coming back to me, she is really stubborn.I had been honest with her earlier on but I don't blame her for not believing it. I've used that lie too many times
I wrap the sheets around me, they still smell of her. I really do love her.
What is wrong with me! I punch my pillow. Maybe all this was meant to be, maybe I was meant to hurt her so in the end she could hurt me, the way no-one else had ever done. And in this moment I realize. I can't keep playing with girls. And I can't keep controlling them, as if I were better than them. The only person I have loved just gave me a down to earth lesson.
Maybe it's time I change, maybe it's time to turn around my life. I will always remember her as the girl who changed my life, changed my plans and changed me. There might be hope for everyone. Everyone like me. It's clear enough; if you play with something you love, you'll lose it. People should know that, I should have known that. People suffer when they shouldn't. No more playing with something loved, no more screwing around. That never leads to anything good.I lay back on my bed and close my eyes.
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Hey! How are you all doing?
So anyway, some of my friends had been asking me to write something related to sex, and since it is sort of a taboo in this society, at least to say it out loud (or written), I agreed. I'd actually never written nothing related to this subject so it was a new experience for me hahaha (sorry if it's a bit crappy, I tried my best. I could have continued the sexual part but I felt it was two much, at least for now) But I also wanted there to be some sort of lesson, at least help, to those reading. And well, out came Jake and with him Lauren. I hope you enjoyed the story/weird tale.
Here go my questions; Has anything like this ever happened to you? If it has, nobody is forcing you to talk about it but it would be nice to share some opinions. Do you think Jake will actually change? And if so, change into what? I love reading your comments. I do hope you'll want to comment.
The usual, if you want me to tell you that there's a new post my twitter and ask are the links on the left.
I don't know if I'll upload before New Year so I'll wish you now a very happy and wonderful New year and enjoy it's many opportunities.
I love you and thanks for reading
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